I love BIG WORDS

Yes,oh yes, big words amuse me! Words I can barely pronounce,spell or understand. Some words just make me laugh I don't know why... FERAL is one such word. It is a very graphic word for me I attach it to random words like ,"feral duck" ahahahah, or "feral broccoli",yes I do know what it means , it means wild,possibly wildly vicious. I tried to impress my coworkers on my word knowledge by explaining to them what PREHENSILE meant and using it in a sentence. "Phil has a prehensile appendage, that might be diseased due to constant usage". And the word "PAROXYSM",now isn't this word awesome? Not to long or too short, it uses X and Y my two favoritest letters ever and it means spasms it sounds like it means whats not to love? FERAL ducks with PREHENSILE appendages....ahahahahah ...this makes me fall to the ground in PAROXYSMS of laugther.......ahahahahh

Survival Stuff

I am worried about the state of things . Yes I am a worry worth but my worries are not unfounded they are base on scientific data and sound theories so shut the crap up and listen so you don't die in this upcoming "Zombie invasion". I am going to discuss survival food this is the most important topic of all so listen up get a notepad and write this down.

Storage: is very important you must protect your food from mold,mildew,fruit-flies,maggots,beetles,mice chipmunks, feral cats,deer(they can be part of your survival food they are pretty tasty) and greedy fat human beings(I don't know if they are tasty but they can be an option in a pinch) who failed to store their own supplies. You need ziploc bags ,plastic containers,vacuum seal systems, jars and cans to protect it from the small critters. And a root cellar or a good dark basement is pretty useful.Then you will need a gun to protect it from the stoopid humans who are coming to get it.( you better get over your squeamishness about pulling the trigger...just think if you fail to do this this evil lazy bum will take your food , survive and repopulate the Earth...gross...okay just shoot him in the kneecaps then)

Food to store:

Seeds- you can never have to much , you cultivate them they grow then you eat your produce its a never ending cycle of numminess. plus most seeds you can eat. Pumpkins and squashes and melons have nutritious yummy seeds. grow beans its a seed thats uber full of protein plus it makes you toot..a lot,whats not to love.Then there are edible grasses(yah "that kind" too its suppose to be medicine)rice ,regular and wild depending on where you are or should I say grains millet, sorgrum(betcha you dont know what I am talking about google it while the internet still exist and edumacate yourself).Then there are the greens the Kales, and lettuce and such. Root crops, potatoes ,sweetpotatoes,rutabagas, and radishes and carrots and turnips .

Pasta=they probably will last a couple of years. Cheap available or year round and very delicious.

Dried stuff: dehydrated food ,fruit,meat vegetables last a long time and give your jaws much needed exercise if you dont have anybody to talk to or you are sick of talking to the same people you are stuck with. A dehydrator might come in handy...not an electric one silly there wont be electricity. You can device one with wood and chicken wire...Google it Pronto before you can't.

Candy and chocolates,cake mix alcohol,coffee and other luxury stuff double,triple quadruple on this, these are what I call "tradeable "goods if you need say bullets or a can of peaches (how can you forget canned peaches stoopid!?) or maybe a wife this will come in handy.

Medicine: learn how to make compounds there wont be drug companies I need thyroid medicine ...I will have to dry some thyroids and make my own so my suggestion is don't come trying to steal my food I wont shoot you in the kneecap and I don't think you can survive without your thyroid.....

I might continue this later on hope you learned something. Thank you . I know right! I am such a fountain of knowledge,your are ever so welcome...oh things are on sale at Krogers right now 10 for $10 time to stock up so quit reading this lame blog and go...

My job

I work in a public setting. I talk to people and interact with them almost all day long.For the most part I love my job. Working it almost eight years have changed me in so many ways. Some of the changes are good some are fairly unpleasant. One thing for sure is it is ever so rarely boring . I have met funny people, scary people ,creepy scary people, sad ones, indifferent ones, angry ones. I have talk to them about their jobs, their kids, their frustrations , their food preferences, even the movies they have watch and the things they hate(mostly what I do). Today was no exception(What the crap I hit a button and it change the text and i don't know how to change it back Poopers!)
Anyways today I talk two three pleasant men for a lengthy time. Learned a couple of things like there is a big market in grass seeds and they are mostly grown in Oregon..huh who knew? And in this economy that market has remained stable. I also spoke to a creepy/sleazy looking dude who insinuated he was a Porn/Gangster movie maker .But before he told me this he look at me for awhile and said "you are beautiful where are you from, the Phillippines?" ...me ummmm yes...him...thats why?...yep Asian fetish wierdo. bahahahaha. Anyways there are days when I loose my faith in humanity and days when I gain it back. it is amazing that I get paid to do what I do....oh yah cause it can get hairy sometimes... anyways have a good day I got nothing else.

Size does matter in the Universe made of Atoms

I stand 5 feet 2 and 3/4 of an inch. Whenever my American "friends"(America is the land of really amazingly huge people) point out that I am short, I usually react with confusion and surprise. Huh! Short? Who me? "What are you talking about freakish giant"? (Of course this is said inside my head). I always feel like I am bigger and taller than what I really am. One of those freakish giant friends of mine once said, you are like a rabid Chihuahua Jane, totally unaware of your size. Well thanks freakish Giant. I would like to think that I think this way because I have a well developed inner chi. I know my place in the universe have a sense of myself a confidence in my existence of being...:) hahahaha not really. Okay, maybe the confidence part. I am afraid of very few things. The other reason is all the things I could not reach due to my height I usually would get through other means so height has never been a problem. I climb like a monkey, I stack things like an engineer then climb those stacked things, I use sticks to get things that are to high up or if all these fails I throw rocks at things I cant reach.

I grew up in a family of nine kids, the middle child who was called the “runt” of the litter because I was the smallest child. Anyways to make this short and sweet I have to say again, that I feel tall and powerful enough that I am not afraid of you, you freakish Giant!

15 years ago

Fifteen years ago I had my last baby in the back bedroom of this same house. 9.3 pounds , it took me too long to push her out due to her size and the fact that she had her arm over her head pushing shoulders first. The home birth "helpers" told me they would have to take me to the hospital, I was bleeding to mush they said, I said just wait a minute and out she popped with a headful of dark wavy hair. Another beautiful,healthy girl the third and the last! We named her Brianna Dell Stahl otherwise known as Babe or Brie to her friends(nobody in the family is allowed to call her Brie).

Two weeks later I had chicken pox I past this on to her and the other two toddlers, her first weeks of life I am sure were torture she had sores on her diaper area that were so hard to keep dry and took forever to heal. I am convince that this made her pain tolerance a bit better than normal. Oh... she still whines but not as much as most adults I know .

Fifteen , she will start to learn to drive, ask for more independence argue about more things,start thinking more and more that her parents are not as smart as herself. Fifteen this awkward, wonderful ,magical frustrating age. She is my fearless one, willing to go head on into and try new things . She was always the one who would climb up on the highest points in our old apartment and fall. She picked basketball as her third sport, against every body's advice and is doing quite well in it. She is boisterous(yes the kind word for loud), beautiful, brash and very bright. She will do well this third child of mine, I pray and I hope. Happy Birthday Babe, I do love you even when I say stop being a Brat! :)

On being good.

Its so much easier to be bad. And this includes everything we do in life. Making bad choices =so much easier. The mound of brocolli or the slice of cake?...cake wins hands down.To exercise or not exercise? Pffft like we have to wonder what is easier? To live fast or to be staid and boring? fast is so much fun! right?!

Even parenting is the same way to be firm and conservative is so much harder than to be liberal and agreable to everything a kid says. Mom can I go with my freinds this sunday? oh so much easier to say yup go ahead instead of saying stay home clean your room and spend family time with us,because it is hadrd to listen to the stomping and the grumbles and the moping around .

My existence is a constant struggle between bad and evil. From the Mundane...should I eat one or two pieces of heavily buttered soft oatmeal bread toast slathered with peanut butter and jelly(I ate them both) to the weighty should I make fun of a co-worker who is obviously a dork and thinks he is not(I made fun of him)?! On this matters you can conclude that I am rather bad.

I do have some saving graces I would like to think. I am very kind to animals ,they are innocent and have no malicious intent. To people who have special needs and the elderly, because they can't help themselves for the most part . To the truly mentally challenge,because they can't help it . I abhor vices except for eating . I don't know if this things balances out your good and bad quotient. I do know that I worry about it .

It is part of my neurosis worrying about things like perishing and burning in hell for thinking about punching somebody in the gonads for being an arrogant whippersnapper. .... Now this makes me hungry for that third piece of toast, excuse me.....

Temporary Respite

When is the Teenage Drama gonna end?.. I "I will move out when I am eigtheen" ...Ummmm how about I move out right now change my phone, so you cant call me and hide?!!!...Thats aboandonment isn't it?...Is there a place were Moms can go and talk about this and disaappear for however long...Kinda like a "Ranch -for constantly- annoyed -mothers -who-need a break"?....now theres a business Idea...There will be tea and crumpetts, and lotsa therapeutic gossiping, and walks,naps,massages..professional.listeners,hot tubs,people who would pick up our stuff off the floor., tv shows we like,movies we like, and people cooking for us and doing our luandry..sigh...

Boring Routine

Nobody is up. 9:03 in the morning on a Saturday, all the gang are sleeping in, I use to wake everybody up and try to make them run or take walks with me. I stopped they are either unwilling or unable. I just usually get my coffee ,sit in front of the computer, annoy people on facebook and eventually get up and workout. Today I have to work so I will shorten that routine. I would see everybody for a few minutes then when I get home at 9:15 tonight I will see them for about an hour then the cycle begins anew. This only changes when we plan something or when I am off and there are games to go too. Such is my exciting life ,but really I am not complaining. It beats working in a sweaty factory in China ,or herding goats in Africa while swatting flies I am sure . I am very fortunate.

things you might already know that are universal truths

1.There is an alternate dimension were lost socks frolic in eternal bliss never to be worn on somebodies stinky foot ever again(they cant find their mates so its not all bliss)

2.There are some people who wear body fitting under armor wear, that are unaware that they should never do this, and there are some of us who just don't care about your freakin haters

opinion!

3. There are people who cant grow anything if they tried, don't want grow anything or don't know how anything is grown, a lot of them hate vegetables and buy flowers at the grocery store....

4. Asians can't drive, but considering there is quite a lot of them in the world there are surprisingly few accident fatalities.

5. Buckeyes is a stupid name for a fantastic football team.. a nut... a poisonous nut?!

6.People over 150 lbs and over 25 should not ever ever show their belly in public.

7.Winter sucks....snow is nice...the cold sucks..snow is beautiful... freezing sucks!

8.Pizza and ice cream is the perfect food,Fat was invented by the devil to keep us away from pizza and ice cream..we all hate him.

9.Your wasting your time reading this...you should do something more productive.

10. I'm wasting my time writing this i should do something more productive.

11. No matter what Jane loves you for reading this.

keeping freinds

One of the hardest things for me to do. One has to devote time ,energy and invest to keep them. Sadly I am not very good at this. There is really not much I can offer..hmmm ahem...my sharp wit?(otherwise known as insensitive sarcasm)...my fountain of wisdom(pffffft.. unsolicited unwanted advice)..a shoulder to cry on(i get all awkward and my hugs are awkward).

there was this book I glace through that said that people have different love currencies(something like that)...Some like time devoted to them others affection,others gifts etc. etc. So I am trying to think of what i have to offer....

1.Unwavering loyalty: if somebody tries to hurt you I will defend you with my strongest stick.

2. .Gifts: I will share my tomatoes and veggies and invite you to eat atmy house(beware the stray doggie hair), and maybe buy you something on sale atMarshall's...Sorry my resources are limited.

3. Affection: I am good at patting, thumping or rubbing peoples backs...I draw the line at kissing, we can be friends but I wont share cooties...Chris's is all I can handle.

4.Fun: you ll have oodles I promise ..even at my expense

5.Great Conversation: Usually one sided but so mind riveting you will never be the same

And so there it is...take it into consideration i am picky about my friends...and it takes years to gain my trust.....which can be bought..... my currency is food.......Lets be friend Forever...and ever and ever....Wanna see my basement?!

Stranger than nightmares

Poop on a wall at work. You would think this is an isolated incident but I can name of about four or five instances were there were close encounters...mind you I do not work at a hospital. Today was one of the worst ones. My companion and I walk into a small staircase hallway, i turned to him and said "it smells like sh@t in here..human ...." we both turn and there it was . It look like it was done deliberately , not an accidental incident. In all probability a "hate crime".It was startling , evidence of how bad humans can be . It was not a violent act ,but an act so gross and almost incompressible that it violated in some other ways. Yikes I was just making jokes about wanting to be a goose so I can do this in peoples yards ..but when you see it ... holy molly !...makes you want to taser that persons butt to teach them a lesson. Pervert!

I Worry (Rant #1 dated may 30th 2010)

Is it Normal to worry that I am giving my children too much, and not forcing them to do and learn basic life skills ?
That they may not have a concept of what hard work or labor entails and what its fruits are.
That cleaning and vacumming ,and washing and folding your clothes, and cooking are very important skills one must have.
That a fancy College education is not the Ultimate goal but just a means to achieve a more noble one: self-sufficiency,community service or making a difference while making your fortune.
That nobody is entitled to anything. Every ipod, MP3 player Wii ot Imac that one has equals to how many work hours.
That some child might have labored on that fancy hoodie your wearing.
That there is a world beyond private school, the movies and the mall.
That enjoying your family's company might be "lame" but it is essential because you never know what tomorrow brings and 18 is short and when you are a teenager it is shorter.
That tolerance of other people ideas,thinking outside the box and having an open mind is a good thing but it does not mean we have to compromise your morals and principles.
That you should always be wary of peoples motivations yet not to cynical that you don't trust anybody.
That taking care of your health is one of the most important habits you should develop.Get Enough sleep, party in moderation. Abusing anything causes wrinkles,shorthens your lifespan and clouds your judgement.
That having faith, being Patriotic, loving your family never is uncool and if somebody says otherwise they are Stupid Dorks.
That your self-respect and confidence is something nobody should be able to take away.
That one must be proud but not prideful.That being humble is indeed a virtue.
Have I reiterated enough that they are a very important part of the scheme of life but not the focal point and the world would never revolve around them.
Are they listening when I say less is more. That you can be sexy without revealing to much and modesty will never be unfashionable.
Have I nagged enough about the importance of frugality, that waste of resources is a sin a crime against man and nature and should be minimized.
That when you try to hard to be different it becomes mainstream.
That you should always be comfortable with your own company.
That you should be treated with respect and adored and you should never settle for less.
That right and wrong is a universal law and there are very clear lines drawn.That there are very few gray areas.
That appreciation of small things is more satisfying than the pursuit of large material objects.
That happiness is most achievable when you are helping others and this is a proven fact.
That if you are a good and loyal friend odds are you will have one or two or three or more.
Sigh...... the list is to long I wonder if my Mother worried the same about me.

nightmares

They are interesting. They usually involve Friends, and acquaintances in compromising situations(those are the most scarring) and fantastic horrid adventures and or me in sticky situations that I have trouble getting out off and usually people around me are unaware or apathetic to my plight(I hate those,yes it proves I need a shrink). Last night was about me Chris and the girls going to some concert, half of the men were not wearing pants(seriously this is a recurring team and it puzzles me and I make a lot of jokes about it) which caused me not to really watch the concert. The guide who took us weaving in an out through the concert was Preston Bex's boyfriend (thank the lord he had some pants on). Halfway through it my left side flank started hurting ,I lifted my shirt up and discovered the tip of a small blade was sticking out. I then very calmly said huh I must have accidentally shawllowed at dinner gotta get to the hospital.....nobody cared.They did not even give it a second glance...stoopid ,uncaring yahoos. Anyways like any nightmare it had no point except to play on my psychological insecurities. I eventually ended up at a boutique ran by a Pleasant gay man wearing Dani's pink pajamas who told me I best not bleed on the floor and go to the hospital and told me were to buy shoes because my heels broke(as if I would ever wear heels to a concert harrrrr). Then ended up at a shoe store owned by one of my classmates in grade school, who acted like a snot and pretended she did not know me (thanks Frances Mae Trabajo :) ) and then I got some flip flops ,and flagged down a motorela ( a Filipino motorcycled pulled cab) presumably to go to a clinic to have the dangged three inch blade pulled out. Then I heard a bang woke up and realized I overslept.........And you wasted five precious minutes reading this..aahahahahahahah

Rantifications

Apparently I started this blog last January, I thought I did but I was not to sure. This is a bad sign. I either have the beginnings of Alzheimer's or my subconscious is trying to block it so I don't embarrass myself. Anyways I think I may have started this to give my thoughts a permanent outlet. Yes ,yes I am one of those strange people who have thoughts racing through my mind in super fast speed , different topics all at once all together. Ideas, opinions etc. etc....some so outlandish that blurting it out(they escape sometimes) usually earn me a halfhearted awkward laugh or a frightened look and the predictable"uh Jane your have a disturbed mind". I don't think I am insane yet, If I am I am functionally insane..you know like a functioning alcoholic. ... I hold a job, juggle a husband, three teenage daughters and take care of a home (half hazardly). I am a horrible typist/typer, my punctuation is dismal and my grammar mediocre. If I do find an audience it will be partly due to people feeling obligated(friends and family...commenting once in awhile "nice one Jane') or the ones who are drawn due to an uncontrollable fascination...like a kid drawn to a worm cut in half.

Anyways I woke up earlier than usual....got a text from Dani..."Mom Bex tried to Kill us" Please take away her license. we had like ten near accidents because she was speeding and she keep yelling ....continued text.............at us because we tried to tell her to slow down...we don't wanna die". thought number one: I will" kill" them Myself. thought number two: I will" kill" Bekkah thought number three: Now I have to get up, crap!...I will "kil"l them later...Note: Kill is a word use loosely for effect, it usually means I will pu nish in some way and you will be unhappy for a week or two....and if somebody uses this for emancipation purposes ....I encourage it...it will save me some much needed mullah :)

The Little Red Hen( A modern Parabolic Counter Propaganda)

Once upon a time there was a litte red hen who was on her way to the market with her very intellectual mostly Ivy league educated friends, Piglosi the pig, Moobama the Bull, Horied the horse ,Sooroster the rooster.They came upon a small pile of wheat and she thought of a brilliant idea." I wil pick up the wheat she said',will any of you help me?" "Not I "said Piglosi," I am too busy trying to keep C-Span away from the Healthcare debates","Not I said Moobama ,I am to busy making Change and passing stimulous bills", "Not I said Sorooster, I am too busy telling Moobama what to do".
So the little Red hen went ahead and picked up the wheat one by one which took her 8 hours of regular time and 4 hours of overtime of beakbreaking work because she could only carry a few at a time in her beak. When she got home she had another brilliant idea of planting the wheat so she could quadruple her gains...she called her so called friends and said would you help me plow the field, sow the wheat grains, water and fertilize it? "Not I" said Piglosi, I am too busy running San Francisco to the ground, "Nor I "said Moobama I am looking for Czars with communist backgrounds ,I need them for my Cabinet. "Not I said Horied the Horse I am stuck with this Healtcare bill".Not I', said Sooroster, I am too busy removing large sums of money from institutions and betting against currency valuations . So the little Red Hen went ahead and plowed the field with her little feet scratching for 3 days and 16 hours of overtime ( she has really small feet) , and sowing the grains which took another day plus 6 hours of nigthime overtime,and she watered her wheat ...then went on a much needed vacation which she had saved for the past four years making sure she was also paying for her healthcare and saving for retirement so she did not have to depend on anybody.
When she came back the wheat had grown and needed to be weeded , she emailed her friends and asked if they would be ever so kind to help, "Not I said Piglosi , I am to busy getting Botox", Not I said Moobama that is slave work and I am not a slave I am the Servant of change." Not I "said Sorooster, I have to untangle some puppet strings." Niether I" said Horied still stuck with thisPublic option in the Health care bill."So the little Red Hen weeded the growing wheat from sunup till way pass sundown more backbreaking work, and she dried the weeds and use it for fuel to heat her survivalist hut.
A few days later her wheat was beautiful and golden waving in the sun, " God is good" , she said ."It is ready to Harvest" ."Will you help me harvest and grind my wheat ?" she asked her friends who just happened to be passing by,"Absolutely not said Piglosi ,I totally disagree with your choice of words , saying That G word is offensive, besides I am to busy trying to find ways to violate the constitution"."No way said Moobama there should be separation of God and Government and you just thank him which means that wheat is tainted and my Ivy legue hands shall never touch it".Horied still said "still stuck with this health care overhual bill please leave me alone" Sooroster simply said I am a filthy rich Atheist I don't care about your measly wheat you little rRghwing Christian Chick!
So the little Red Hen thressed her wheat in neat little bundles and had them milled , into flour. She took it home and decided to bake some bread , she texted her friends and said "yo wnto bk brd w me?' ."LOL said Piglosy ,I am busy frmulting lies to pass ths helt cr bl you sd yo did nt wnt, "XD said Moobama I cnt I am in Hwai tryng to nwind n strtgz on wys to chge the Amrcan way to The Euro/Wrld progressive way cuze our way scks" . LMAO ,Horied texted, stl stk in this nitemre of a Pblic Optn".Soorester simply texted "Ttyl.. bsy dilin wt the msfrtne of otrs".
So the little Red hen kneaded the bread and baked it in her survivalist clay oven with her"weed" fuel . The aroma of freshly baked bread wafted into the White house , which immidiately brought her three fiends to her door.The little Red Hen opened her door and asked," What do you want?" We need to divide the bread said Moobama and share it equally with the whole village'.Tax it then give me a piece said Piglosi". I have the power so you have no choice in this matter hand over the bread said Sorooster. I need my cut or I am not voting for this bill said Horied"!.The little Red Hen Calmly said" absulutely not"! I will feed my little chicks this bread and give a third to my church and and that Jewish Charity I like, so they can give the bread to people who really need it.
"You evil Capitalistic wench' said Piglosi..".you hate poor people",you need a good education preferably Ivy legue. You are a racist and you are not true to your color which is as Red as the blood of more than 200 million people the communist have spilled in their quest for equalization "Moobama stated on Chicken News Network the Fair and balance News Network,You Sellout!" 'You have been misinformed by the FOXY news network the Rightwing -Chicken -Eating -Tea -drinking- Racist Net work Sorooster said, the way you think is not the way the majority thinks which is 30 percent of the population."Rightwing Capitalist Christian Chick you hate N&Gr@s! said Horied.
Chicken little calmly went to her back closet took her shotgun out which she only usually
used for varmints and possible home invasions and said...."I was educated in a small commuity college ,have read countless books but my faves are Ayn Rands the Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged and of Course the Bible, I believe in the our Constitution , and I evoke the second amendment right now, please leave my property or I will pepper your butt with birdshoot....I will deal with you later in the next election.
So the four tight buddies decided to go to Chicago and visit their friend the Rame the male ewe who happens to be the true but secret leader of all sheeple , to drink some Kool aid and eat crumpets and Listen to Jeremiah not so Right!
And the little red hen broked bread with her family and select relatives and true friends saying grace before eating and shared with those who were truly unfortunate . Us for those three....nobody really knows, I think Karma eventually caught up with them...and they never ever had the oppurtunity of tasting homebaked bread... what a lost..........hings were okay for a day or two......Until chicken Little otherwise Known as" Ketchuphead husband" started Yelling "THE SKY IS FALLING ....THE SKY IS FALLING!....PLEASE PASSS CAP AND TRADE!...but thats entirely another Fable. for another less hectic day because I have to go to work so they can tax me to pay for others needs and wants...